It’s always so personal, and senseless…
This eclipse feels like ripping off the hard shell I built around myself for protection. An edifice of ideas, philosophy, abstractions…enclosing a very personal and sensitive soul. I noticed the world is technical, built on reasons, and arguments, so I felt compelled to meet them on their own terms…I forged ideas to fight other ideas, thinking that ideas lead to actions, to ideologies, to entire people being good or bad.
But it’s all personal. My reasons for fighting intellectually are not motivated by reasons, but by feelings. Truly, I had become so enmeshed in discourse that I almost forgot that I have no reason whatsoever, no argument, just love for what I love.
Previously, I aligned myself under various banners because I thought a systematic approach would serve my interests, help me fulfill my personal desires. For example, I began studying occultism as a way of getting closer to the vivid dreams I would have, the characters in them, the “intuition” of psychic dimensions (eventually I realized this is something you can’t learn from books, most of which are misleading, and no ‘system’ has all the answers). Another example is “far-right” ideology—hoping for strength in numbers—but this is never what I wanted to do!
I love my people, my culture, my loved ones, but this is a personal love and I do not want any tyrannical or overbearing political ideology governing it! My dream is filled with passion where everyone is there because of an innate, heartfelt bond. Politics feels like forcing something that doesn’t exist, trying to compel by external means what must come from within.
And this is where I get to the heart of the matter: of all the pain, of all the ills that concern me, none hurts or moves me more than rape. Rape of women is the “reason” I do and think and create everything…to end it. To end the pain, the senseless and irrational horror.
This is why the abortion debate is so touchy, because rape is one of the talking points, the great “what if” that is often being decided by Christian men. I only care about the topic for that reason. I only care about the migrant crisis in Europe because Aryan women may be brutalized in the forced collision of incompatible cultures…
I find it is the most barbaric and irrational and senseless crime…and I feel powerless to fight it. I never considered helping survivors because the damage is already done. To comfort is not good enough, revenge is pointless…I just want to make it not happen again. My idealism extends in the following sentence I found myself saying a lot during the start of the Ukraine invasion: I wouldn’t care to heal people personally, because what does it matter that I save one life, when a 1000 perish?
All must be saved; nobody gets left behind!
Recently, National Socialism has evoked the greatest memory-wound: the rape of German women during the siege of Berlin at the hands of Russian savages! It makes my blood boil, and I have to refrain myself from spitting “I hate Russians” but everyday I feel they are truly a wicked and irrational and strange and perverse people. Let me say it again: I hate Russians! I am tired of feeling ashamed, because I was told that to entertain such feelings would make me just as bad as them! As if it would! And let’s get this straight: Christianity is not the answer! I clearly and strongly loathe Christians (one of my reasons for despising most of the Dissident Right!) and I dislike their vapid “love and faith” and forgiveness. You seriously think that a woman ought to simply forgive her rapist and carry his child? Go fuck yourself!
And most right-wing discourse is deluded: they think Putin is some “savior of the west” or a Eurasian Messiah and that Alexander Dugin is a great visionary…It all feels like something before…like it’s happening again.
I realize I am much more feminine that I want to admit, at least publicly. Even if I am capable of constructing complex arguments and abstractions, there is usually a personal nucleus, a sort of visceral and instinctual ‘revulsion’ towards something that I have to subsequently “rationalize”. For instance, I could never get into Dostoyevsky.
There is always a deeper, intuitive cause for my vacillating opinions about history, culture, and literature:
I don’t like Dostoyevsky’s books = Russians and their history of savagery, conquest, rape, destruction and racial miscegenation…not to mention Dostoyevsky is useless because I have no intention of adopting Orthodox Christian faith!
I always felt the Roman Empire was sterile and soulless = strong karmic connection to Queen Boudica who was defeated by invading Romans (my Celtic/Gaul ancestry comes to the fore)…
I feel this intuitive aura around things that makes me like or dislike them, that is a better way of putting it. I get what people mean by “ick factor”.
Thankfully, there is a school of thought that acknowledges this ancient form of knowledge: Traditionalism. Thankfully, there is an ideology that allows me to hate my enemies as strongly as I love my people: National Socialism!
Recently, I feel the song “Childlike Faith in Childhood’s End” sums up my views on life and why I carry on. Below I print the concluding lines:
And though dark is the highway,
And the peak's distance breaks my heart
For I never shall see it, still I play my part
Believing that what waits for us
Is the cosmos, compared to the dust of the past…
In the death of mere humans, life shall start!
I may be opposed to having children, yet I have an inkling of what a mother’s love is: this overflowing love for something, to the point where you’re willing to compromise with unsuitable ideas in order to protect what you love at all cost! Love for my people is the only reason I tolerated the majority of dissident right figures for so long…when all we need to do to protect our people is to start hating our enemies again!
Especially because their offensive has not ceased!
This is why I will plainly state, once more, my undying devotion to Adolf Hitler and the Eternal Reich!
Let’s make this personal again!
Look your enemy in the eyes and say “I hate you!”, knowing that we are being moved by powers stronger than reason, rhetoric, and virtue.
Open the center of the earth, awaken the Avatar, and let the blood flow, let the blood flow…
Great article, MZ. Hate and Love are two sides of the same coin, like light and darkness, hot and cold etc. If you don't hate the sub-human monsters who are destroying your race and culture with every fiber of your being, then you don't truly love your race and culture. By the time the Red Army rolled into Europe near the end of World War Two, and particularly Germany, it was mostly composed of Mongol troops from the steppes of Siberia. Most of the Russians in that army were killed in savage fighting with the forces of the 3rd Reich in the years prior. Ergo the vast majority of the raping, along with wanton destruction and theft of property, was done by Asiatic Mongols. This parallels the mass raping of White women done by the Mongol hordes of Genghis Khan centuries before.
A beautiful essay.